Relationships
If you struggle in your close relationships, learning about Attachment Theory and your Attachment Style can be life-changing. The main principle behind Attachment Theory is that our sense of security with our parents or primary caregivers when we are children impacts on how secure (or insecure) we become in our later adult relationships. Research shows that people with secure attachment styles tend to have healthy and supportive adult relationships and are less prone to mental health difficulties. However, sometimes things can go wrong in our childhood or adult relationships and we may develop an insecure attachment style. There are four main types attachment styles:
- Secure - "Close relationships are important to me. I find it relatively easy to trust and depend on others and feel comfortable with my loved ones depending on me"
- Dismissive-Avoidant - "I'd rather not depend on anyone or have anyone depend on me"
- Anxious-Ambivalent - "I want close relationships, but sometimes others find me needy or insecure and end up rejecting me"
- Fearful-Anxious - "I want close relationships but I'm scared of getting hurt"
The last three styles above are insecure attachment styles. Underlying these insecure relationship styles are attachment anxiety or attachment avoidance. If you experience attachment anxiety, you may fear abandonment. You may need a lot of reassurance and have frequent doubts that others love you. It is also likely that at times you get very emotionally distressed, particularly when you feel abandoned, or if you perceive a romantic partner withdrawing from you. By contrast, if you experience attachment avoidance, you likely have a strong need for self-reliance and emotional independence. You may find that romantic partners want to be more emotionally intimate than you feel comfortable being. When under stress you likely withdraw from relationships and cut off from your emotions.
At one point our attachment styles would have been adaptive and necessary for the environments we found ourselves in, especially if they originated in our childhoods. Therapy can help you to understand your own attachment style and how this may be affecting your relationships now. Therapy can also help you to develop a sense of attachment security ("earned security") and in turn improve your relationships and mental health. I hope to provide a compassionate and safe therapeutic space for you to safely explore your attachment patterns, develop new coping styles and move towards more security in your relationships. Please feel free to get in touch if you are interested in booking a consultation.
